Relationships move through patches. Sometimes they coast along beautifully. Sometimes they splutter. Sometimes they gasp for breath on a cold stone floor. And sometimes they couldn’t even be bothered doing that.  

It hurts when you feel like things have soured in your relationship and it can be difficult to know whether to work it out or call it a day But some issues are more like giant summits than small stumbling blocks.

Whether you’ve stopped having sex, or you can’t seem to stop fighting, there are some signs that you just can’t ignore.

It's never easy to admit when your romantic relationship is over. You think you can work it out, but time after time, nothing has changed and the same issues remain between you and your SO. You ignore the signs that your relationship is not going to last in hopes that something will be different. But you haven't seen an improvement and you think it might be time to say goodbye for good.


It’s MAKE it or BREAK its time.

You know that sagging, awful feeling in the pit of your gut that things “aren’t quite right” with your relationship? Well, it’s time to get cracking at that right now. Here are 13 signs that your relationship is in desperate need of repair (or a breakup):


1. You can’t communicate anymore.

Don't view arguing with your partner as a bad thing. It means that you're not afraid to be honest with them and are trying to work on things. But if you're fighting just to argue, well, that's a different story. "If you've been fighting, or dread fighting, moving into a phase of not talking meaningfully at all can feel like a relief — but it could be a sign that you've both given up on being understood. 

Or your conversations have been limited to boring exchanges about mundane topics. Even spirited arguments have given way too.


2. You don’t spend much time together.

Spending quality time together is one of the most important parts of a relationship. This is your special time to laugh and listen, and have meaningful conversations (beyond a passing ‘How was your day?’).

If you find yourself spending less and less time together, or avoiding planning activities together, this can be a problem.


3. Your emotional needs aren’t being met.

When your partner isn’t fulfilling your emotional needs, this can lead to feelings of loneliness or resentment, which are poison to any relationship.

It’s crucial that you’re both on the same page about your needs (like communication, kindness and respect) and are willing to listen to each other without being dismissive or defensive.


4. You argue about the same crap OVER and OVER.

This might seem like a good thing, but it can indicate the one or both parties in a relationship no longer care enough to put their foot down. "Fighting is actually decreased and negotiating is not even needed anymore because the person or the couple is just done," explains Rose Lawrence, LPCC, LCPC, NCC, a psychotherapist and owner of Mind Balance. "They have chosen to submit to the fact they want out of the relationship, so their indifference displays as being agreeable. Most couples need to negotiate or discuss issues, not necessarily argue or bicker, but at least have a discussion. Being agreeable is great, but when your partner or the couple is always agreeable and indifferent, the spark is clearly gone and the fight to stay in the relationship is gone.".


5. They're suddenly spending more time with their family and friends

One of the biggest red flags that your partner is about to check out? "You notice that they are spending less time with you and dedicating more time to family and friends," says Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, relationship therapist and founder of online relationship community Relationup. "They are putting more energy and time into other relationships in their inner circle."

Of course, if you notice yourself doing this, it may also be a heads up that you're feeling less connected to your partner than you did before. 



6. You become suspicious of your partner.

As you move through all the highs and lows of life, you need to be able to rely on your partner. You cannot have a healthy, lasting relationship without trust, so how do you build an unshakeable bond, or repair it if it’s been broken?



7. You’re not on the same page

We put confusing definitions and stories around what “chemistry” really means, but the truth is that having a spark just means being on the same page: in humor, in intimacy, in values, and in what you want out of the relationship. If there is a genuine spark, one that will last when the newness fades, you won’t have to question whether or not it’s there because you’ll both just know. A soulmate, The One, or even just someone worth spending time with will never feel forced. Even when the relationship feels difficult (because it will), loving each other never will be. So if something feels “off,” that’s because it is.


8. You notice their flaws more often than their strengths

When you're in love with someone, you tend to see the good in them more readily than the bad. "If you lose sight of all of the positive qualities that made you interested in your partner in the first place, it could be a sign that things are heading south," Bergstein says. "It may not always be obvious that you are only viewing your partner's flaws, but a telltale sign is how you speak about your partner to your friends. If you're struggling to say anything positive about your partner and find yourself speaking poorly or bad mouthing them to others, it's likely time to end the relationship."


9. You're Not Having Sex

Being intimate with your partner is a great way to feel connected with them. And when that's no longer in the picture, you may feel distant and unloved. "While sex in long-term relationships isn't the easy, self-igniting excitement it was in the beginning, it's still the heartbeat of your relationship. If you haven't learned how to keep your sex life alive, and it sputters out, you open a wound in the relationship that invites an affair. If you haven't had sex with your partner in a while, start talking about what's not working 



10. You're wondering if you can do better 

That great person you met two years ago was great based on who you were then. You may not be growing at the same pace. Perhaps they are in a comfort zone. They're a nice person and you have love for them but there are thoughts of 'where is this going?' or, 'do I really want this?' When those questions start popping up, it's your inner being nudging you elsewhere."



11. You can picture a life with them, but it doesn’t excite you

Just because you can picture a life together does not always mean it’s right for you. When you think about what a relationship, having a home, starting a family, or growing old with this person would be like, is it the fantasy that’s more exciting, or actually doing it all with them? Not to be cliché and quote a rom-com (JK, I always quote rom-coms), but “when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” A lifetime with them should be exciting.

If the spark is there, you’ll look forward to every next step and see yourselves happily together at 80 years old. If you’re forcing a spark, you won’t be excited about a life with them, or you’ll be more excited about the big life events (a wedding, buying a house, having babies, etc.) and won’t be able to picture just the two of you together, 50 years from now.



12. You’ve stopped (or avoided) talking about the future

Unless you've only been dating your partner for a short time, it's important to communicate about the future of your relationship. If you're pushing your SO for marriage, but they don't even want to talk about it, then that might be a red flag that your partner doesn't know how to communicate. Or they just don't see the relationship going anywhere. According to eHarmony, if you find that this topic is troubling, don't force it. Try to keep the conversation light and listen instead of judge when your partner is speaking